You Don't Need to be Perfect to be Loved and Valued.

I'm a seventeen years old teenager who overthinks, starts comparing herself to anyone over the slightest details until she completely devalues herself. I was once a sixteen, fifteen, fourteen...years old teenager who overthought, compared herself to each body and brain she laid her eyes on until she no longer knew her worth anymore, and even forgot if she ever did. One day, I'll be an eighteen, nineteen, twenty...years old woman who will already have written this article. We haven't met yet but there are two values I hope she's finally got to learn!

Deep inside, there's an ideal version of ourselves we want everybody to meet, and we think as long as it's stuck in our imagination, people won't have known us with our full potential, especially the ones we love and want to keep, so we put ourselves under a certain pressure when we're convinced that if we don't reach this version, we'll end up losing them since we think we don't have enough to give and they might get bored from us. The problem is, as we idealize this partially existing version, we gradually start devaluing the actually existing one. Stay with me now, I don't need to ask anyone to confirm that everybody's looking forward to becoming the best version of themselves, and this fact reminds me of the song "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" from Tears For Fears. What's worse than the initial issue is we're also convinced that we're the only ones who still haven't reached this ideal version while those around us obviously seem to have much more to give than we do, especially to those we love deeply, and that's when the overthinking and comparison dual mechanism kicks in.

Let's take a look at the possible consequences. Typically, this psychological disability mainly affects mental health. Then, depending on the emotional and hormonal sensitivity of the person suffering from it, they may experience certain physical symptoms. For example, when overthinking, anxiety, jealousy and worry about what I can't control take over my common sense, I start feeling nauseous, having stomach aches, losing appetite, succumbing to tears effortlessly and sinking into maladaptive daydreaming not to feel any better, but to intensify my frustration's bitterness by imagining scenarios that may or may not come true. In other words, I become emotionally helpless and socially unavailable for an uncertain period of time while absolutely no one's aware, especially those concerned because, in reality, they're not concerned!

The feeling of being abandoned, easily replaceable and convinced that those whom we love to the moon and back will always find someone better than us is the cruelest thought we can have about ourselves. Unfortunately, we forbid ourselves from sharing it because it would show that we're drowning in a lack of self-confidence, self-love and that we devalue ourselves, that's why it's a very sensitive subject for us. In fact, we know we can't expect anyone to value us or know our worth except us. Yet, we hope. We dream that this ideal version, which is living rent-free in our minds, will finally show up since we strongly believe that by becoming this version, we'll finally have the invaluable chance to be loved forever by those we'll love forever.

Comparison is a leech which slowly but surely drains all its victims of their life joy. People who constantly compare themselves to others are never sure of being truly and fully loved because they'll always believe that no matter what they do, we'll always find someone better than them. They're continuously haunted by the merciless gaze of others (fear of judgement) and will always underestimate themselves no matter what anyone tells them, and their life joy, however sparkling, is so fragile that a simple misplaced glance or a single wrong word can shatter it. People subjected to this parasite perpetually devalue themselves and their self-confidence is an elevator which goes down easily and up from time to time. In reality, these people are alone, alone at the bottom of an abyss that stifles their distress, their helplessness, their exhaustion of always wanting to matter to specific people. They wonder if they're doing enough more than they actually do. Deep down, they hope, with as much envy towards others as hatred towards themselves, to make their way to a position in which they'll finally feel like holders instead of substitutes.